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[02 Dec 2003|10:26pm] |
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i forgot about you. how the hell ya been?
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[14 Dec 2002|04:31pm] |
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blah. nfjkdhfkjs
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[09 Dec 2002|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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enraged |
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music |
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kitte-ImMorTal |
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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. im so fucking pissed off, fuck you caitlin. fucking forget me u slut. god damnit. i asked you today to give me a ride to practice, yeah sure marty. i mean for god sakes u give me a ride every time how the Hell could u fucking forget me.
fuck fuck fuck fuck
thanks to your dumbass forgetting me I now have to sit out a fucking game. fuck you bitch. fuck, fuck you.
god fucking damnit.
XXx
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[01 Dec 2002|05:13pm] |
weekend was pretty good. im dreading practice tomarrow.
first day of december.. 25 dyas till i see y'all. woo
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[21 Nov 2002|01:45pm] |
Such Torture
Substance-Free for a while.
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| ahh! |
[19 Nov 2002|07:32pm] |
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mood |
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shocked |
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| [ |
music |
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system of a down/toxicity |
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i made J.V for vb!!
yay.
//maRTay xx
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[27 Oct 2002|01:44pm] |
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music |
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-Good Charlotte- |
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time is going by so fast
It's like i woke up and its fall..
Dyed my hair yesterday.. light brown.. not as dark as it was last time it was brown. no red. im blonde in my school pic though..
//marty
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| exhale |
[18 Oct 2002|08:06pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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-Nirvana- |
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emotionless_13
remembering a lot of shit
i feel really calm, yet really cold inside. really angry. like i could kill something right now. i dont kno how to pinpoint how i feel. i want something. i want to let everything out. The anger i have for my dad. my mother. the anger i have for everything. God too. Im starting to wonder if he is really real..
I remember i used to get so mad i wanted to feel my brothers neck between my hands. i needed to hurt something. or what would happen if i put tape on his mouth and nose. i never did it though. no wonder he hates me, i hate him too. yet, i really dont.
really i've been wondering how i felt about everything since i was like .. i cant remember . i've always been so angry. but at what? why am i so agressive. why do i feel joy when others are in pain? why dont i really care, even though i act like it?I didnt even cry when i left michigan, even i had people like crying in my arms. were does it all come from. Why am i like this. why do i feel the need to manipulate people. i remember when we all went to see Casper. dad mom ry and i. it was when my dad was sleeping in the attic so they could get away from eachother. i thought if i made them sit next to eachother they would get back together. and then they just ended up fighting when we got home.. well we werent even inside yet. one of them couldnt find the keys and they blamed eachother. was that before or after the day in the pantry. seeing my father hit her so hard she fell to the ground. i was just holding him. he was so small. we were both crying. i always asked myself if it was my fault. the first time i stuck up for myself. struck back. i felt as though he was going to kill me. but also a feeling as if i had turned the tables. i wasnt as weak as i thought. he couldnt hurt me anymore. he had to kno i wasnt afraid of him anymore, he couldnt do what he did to her.
in my last entry or something i wrote about how you can love music so much etc.
Im getting that feeling right now.
can you ever be two people at once?
Im beginning to think this is my last chance. to make things right. we've fucked up to many times. after 14 years, it has to start getting better sometime right?
all just keep on slipping farther..
//marty joeann
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| plastic spoon |
[17 Oct 2002|05:33pm] |
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mood |
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naughty |
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music |
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-Puddle Of Mudd-/Never Change |
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Drums..I wanna play so bad. DO i kno how? No. Sucks for me.
Uncoordinated
Unhappy
Stupid
Like, uh every single piece of clothing that i own/stole, {{which i have realized is a lot..}}
Is On The Floor. Eh. What can i say? lol
Come CLean? How can you be superior Of Others? Just have to be special i guess.
Ever Loved Music So much that you cant stand it? that its just everything you are, and everything u want it to be. Its every were. You love it so much it makes you cry?
How could i of done that to her? i love her so much. i'll just fuck things Up. But who says i can resist temptation. God kno's He cant..
I want..Need to feel his touch
Shit i hate this.
Math with Wally tomarrow. God that kidd is hilarious when he's stoned ..
Thats what i want right now. Shit lol.
Everything i am. Everything I want to be. Everything i Left behind. is all coming together now. I just need to kno were to put everything.
My mind is like my room. Dirty .. lol =P hah joke.
She Hates Me.. Aw Nelson. Thats our song lol.
Miserable Outside. i can relate.
I cried today in Gym Cuz a ball hit my ear..I felt So Stupid
RaNdOm AS AlWayz
//bItCH..Your Everything aKa mArTay
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[16 Oct 2002|04:24pm] |
Blah.
Screw Upz.. screw balls?
i get to see some one next week.. Oh Joy
Eh. Jade. i love her.
Highway To Hell. Nice huh?
Leapord today
RobinHood tommarrow..eh. Dressing Out? Um. No. School Spirit Maybe.
HomeComing Sat. going? No. Dinner with Jena.. Hotel. Getting Smashed?Yes.--->Hell Yeah.
Why do i always like the assholes? Who give me everything yet Nothing. Who obviously always has to have a girlfriend, who happens to be my good friend. Using?Mostlikely? Do i care?I hope So. Jump at the opportunity if it arises? i can only think what Not to do..
I did get to see him naked...=/-->=)
If only things could be my way. Greedy?Yes. Im sorry?No.
eh. stupid whore. kicking me out. geezus christ. better now? yeah. i hate it when she cries. i hate it when any one cries.
Bruised Palm. Bruised Inside. Bruised fucking everything.
whats going on with me? why do i feel this way, why dont i give a shit about anything anymore?
Im coming to be a great little thief. Oh what have i done?Absolutely everything.
Why am i doing this?Enlighten me.
violently shaking. cant keep still. i didnt no my own name sunday. i want more.
i want more of everything. why? everything is addicting.
Im scaring myself/im going to go.
Random. AS alwayz
//bItCh<-- Your Obsession
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